PPE Mountain Cleared: Victory for Nature!
By Tom Pyman
Updated: 09:12 EDT, 28 August 2023
Nature lovers can finally breathe easy as a towering mountain of PPE, which had been dumped near a peaceful nature reserve, has been conquered and cleared away.
Earlier this year, the New Forest town of Calmore witnessed a bizarre transformation into a PPE dumping ground, featuring heaps of aprons and face masks scattered like confetti after a wild party. This unique ‘art installation’ outraged healthcare workers and locals alike.
The spectacle, known as the ‘PPE Mountain,’ stood tall for almost five months, disrupting the picturesque landscape. Many were calling it a modern masterpiece; well, maybe not.
Hold onto your masks, folks, because the saga took a plot twist! The nameless culprits behind this puzzling act of PPE performance art were called out by the Environment Agency, and they were ordered to clean up their mess by September 6. Imagine their surprise when someone reminded them that the New Forest was, in fact, not a recycling center!
Rumors spread like wildfire, fueled by a tractor-driving hero who suggested that the abandoned gear might be morphing into plastic bags for the NHS. The image of these aprons undergoing a Cinderella-style transformation is almost too good to be true.
A brave aerial view revealed the extent of the PPE invasion, making you wonder if it was actually a secret plot for a nature-themed fashion show.
But fear not, Mother Nature, for justice prevailed! The mysterious waste magicians, aided by their trusty tractors, rallied to clear the scene. One of these heroic tractor drivers claimed, “It hasn’t been dumped. It was in inside storage but the NHS didn’t use it and so it’s been stored here (since then). It’s all on palettes in a pile – that’s not dumping it. It’s on private land. It’s being taken to be recycled into plastic bags for the NHS.”
Skeptics might ponder whether this was an attempt to make the PPE mountain disappear like a magician’s rabbit. The Environment Agency, armed with their magnifying glasses and clipboards, oversaw the operation to ensure the landscape was left untouched by this disappearing act.
The whole drama unfolded like a reality show during a Hampshire County Council meeting. Turns out, this PPE mishap was part of a larger tale involving a caravan park, thousands of forgotten aprons, and a sense of environmental responsibility seemingly gone MIA.
Let’s not forget that the Department for Health and Social Care went on a shopping spree worth £12 billion for PPE during the pandemic. But, much like an online shopping spree gone awry, it ended up with a closet full of stuff that didn’t fit and wasn’t returnable.
As the PPE curtain falls, it’s reassuring to know that the PPE mountain is no more. The Environment Agency confirms that the cleanup crusade is going well, and while we’re not entirely sure where all the PPE ended up, let’s hope it’s doing its part for a greener future.
By Sunday’s end, the stage was cleared, and the PPE mountain saga closed its curtains. What a wild ride it has been, New Forest!