Cheers to First-Day Shenanigans: Tipsy Teacher Takes âBack to Schoolâ a Bit Too Seriously đ·
Picture this: itâs the first day of school, kiddos are excitedly trotting into the classroom with their brand new backpacks and shiny lunch boxes, ready to conquer another year of multiplication tables and spelling quizzes. But hold onto your lunchboxes, because in Perkins, Oklahoma, the real show was happening behind the teacherâs desk!
Meet Kimberly Coates, a vivacious 53-year-old who clearly thought she was attending âBack to Schoolâ night for adults. đ According to local authorities, Kimberly was arrested for a crime more unique than any episode of âCSI: Elementary School Edition.â You wonât believe it, but our fearless teacher allegedly decided to take the edge off her first-day jitters with a bit of liquid courage! đ„Ž
Around 3:20 p.m., while the kids were probably still debating the merits of crayon colors, school resource officer Shane Dean and Superintendent Doug Ogle decided to play detective. They walked up to Kimberly, probably wearing their best âwe know youâve been sipping on more than just apple juiceâ faces.
And of course, thanks to the magic of modern technology, Fox News Digital got their hands on the bodycam footage that shows Kimberlyâs soon-to-be-legendary interaction with these authorities. I mean, forget âCops,â this should be a new reality show called âTipsy Teachers in Troubleâ! đ
Now, picture this: Superintendent Ogle, a man who probably hasnât seen the inside of a nightclub since mullets were fashionable, tells Kimberly sheâs looking a bit off. Itâs like when your mom tells you that you donât look sick, but youâre secretly planning to binge-watch Netflix all day. Kimberly tried to pull the âI took some anxiety medsâ card, but it seems like she left her script at the bottom of her cup.
Speaking of cups, letâs talk about the piĂšce de rĂ©sistance â a blue plastic cup that was probably the most dramatic prop of the day. Allegedly smelling like a winery in Tuscany, this cup wasnât holding any ordinary apple juice, folks. Kimberly, you sneaky fox, what do you have to say for yourself? đ·
âJuice,â she declared, with the conviction of a lawyer arguing her innocence in a court of⊠preschoolers. But Officer Ogle wasnât having any of it. He had that âbeen-there-smelled-thatâ look on his face. And when he took a whiff, it was like the most unusual wine tasting ever â featuring Cup oâ Chardonnay.
But Kimberly was persistent. She insisted she drank from that cup the day before, probably pulling out every excuse she learned from late-night infomercials. âBut wait, thereâs more! I swear Iâve been in counseling! Itâs just⊠my drinky habits arenât taking the hint.â
Can we just pause for a second and appreciate Kimberlyâs commitment to her story? I mean, who among us hasnât spun a yarn about a blue cup that turns out to be a magical sobriety elixir? đ§ââïž
Alas, Kimberlyâs epic tale didnât save her from the long arm of the law. After her refusal to arrange a sober ride home, the men in blue decided it was time to show her the door â or rather, the backseat of a squad car. đ
So, there you have it, folks â a first day of school story that no one saw coming. From anxiety meds that taste like Cabernet Sauvignon to blue cups that double as chalices of denial, Kimberly Coates truly gave us a performance for the ages. Letâs just hope the school districtâs next âpersonnel issueâ involves a much tamer plotline â like the mystery of the disappearing cafeteria cookies.
And remember, next time youâre feeling nervous on the first day of school, maybe stick to the old-fashioned apple juice. đ It might not have the sameâŠkick.Cheers to First-Day Shenanigans: Tipsy Teacher Takes âBack to Schoolâ a Bit Too Seriously đ·
Picture this: itâs the first day of school, kiddos are excitedly trotting into the classroom with their brand new backpacks and shiny lunch boxes, ready to conquer another year of multiplication tables and spelling quizzes. But hold onto your lunchboxes, because in Perkins, Oklahoma, the real show was happening behind the teacherâs desk!
Meet Kimberly Coates, a vivacious 53-year-old who clearly thought she was attending âBack to Schoolâ night for adults. đ According to local authorities, Kimberly was arrested for a crime more unique than any episode of âCSI: Elementary School Edition.â You wonât believe it, but our fearless teacher allegedly decided to take the edge off her first-day jitters with a bit of liquid courage! đ„Ž
Around 3:20 p.m., while the kids were probably still debating the merits of crayon colors, school resource officer Shane Dean and Superintendent Doug Ogle decided to play detective. They walked up to Kimberly, probably wearing their best âwe know youâve been sipping on more than just apple juiceâ faces.
And of course, thanks to the magic of modern technology, Fox News Digital got their hands on the bodycam footage that shows Kimberlyâs soon-to-be-legendary interaction with these authorities. I mean, forget âCops,â this should be a new reality show called âTipsy Teachers in Troubleâ! đ
Now, picture this: Superintendent Ogle, a man who probably hasnât seen the inside of a nightclub since mullets were fashionable, tells Kimberly sheâs looking a bit off. Itâs like when your mom tells you that you donât look sick, but youâre secretly planning to binge-watch Netflix all day. Kimberly tried to pull the âI took some anxiety medsâ card, but it seems like she left her script at the bottom of her cup.
Speaking of cups, letâs talk about the piĂšce de rĂ©sistance â a blue plastic cup that was probably the most dramatic prop of the day. Allegedly smelling like a winery in Tuscany, this cup wasnât holding any ordinary apple juice, folks. Kimberly, you sneaky fox, what do you have to say for yourself? đ·
âJuice,â she declared, with the conviction of a lawyer arguing her innocence in a court of⊠preschoolers. But Officer Ogle wasnât having any of it. He had that âbeen-there-smelled-thatâ look on his face. And when he took a whiff, it was like the most unusual wine tasting ever â featuring Cup oâ Chardonnay.
But Kimberly was persistent. She insisted she drank from that cup the day before, probably pulling out every excuse she learned from late-night infomercials. âBut wait, thereâs more! I swear Iâve been in counseling! Itâs just⊠my drinky habits arenât taking the hint.â
Can we just pause for a second and appreciate Kimberlyâs commitment to her story? I mean, who among us hasnât spun a yarn about a blue cup that turns out to be a magical sobriety elixir? đ§ââïž
Alas, Kimberlyâs epic tale didnât save her from the long arm of the law. After her refusal to arrange a sober ride home, the men in blue decided it was time to show her the door â or rather, the backseat of a squad car. đ
So, there you have it, folks â a first day of school story that no one saw coming. From anxiety meds that taste like Cabernet Sauvignon to blue cups that double as chalices of denial, Kimberly Coates truly gave us a performance for the ages. Letâs just hope the school districtâs next âpersonnel issueâ involves a much tamer plotline â like the mystery of the disappearing cafeteria cookies.
And remember, next time youâre feeling nervous on the first day of school, maybe stick to the old-fashioned apple juice. đ It might not have the sameâŠkick.